Friendship

The concept of friendship is ancient.  The Old Testament put it eloquently when it noted, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17).  The adage “people need people” might also be interpreted as “people need friends”.  With such an extensive history in the field of friend-making one might think that it should be a breeze today, but I think that friendships are waning in modern society.  Some have even attempted to reduce friendship to a scientific process, but human interaction is not cold and calculated.  This brief bulletin article cannot completely address how to be good friends, but here are a few thoughts on developing deeper interpersonal relationships:
1).  Be willing to touch.  Modern society has shunned touching.  Social media interaction, personal space expansion, fear of germs and the perception of inappropriate touching is drawing us toward a touchless world.  There might be reasons to be cautious of physical contact, but friendships need personal interaction.  All friendships need boundaries, but the trust exhibited by hugs, handshakes, or even a gentle touch of support on an shoulder bring us closer. 
2).  Be willing to ask questions that might provoke uncomfortable answers.  The people who need friends the most are typically those who are struggling the most.  When we approach these types of friendships with a willingness to encourage and support them we can have an impact, but if we are hoping to be the best of friends we need to be able to venture into areas of their lives where others fear to tread.  These people might be considering sinful behavior, self-destructive tendencies, inappropriate responses or emotional barricading and we have to be willing to discuss their possibilities.  To eventually help others we may have to allow friends to express their frustration or expose their temptation to make bad choices.  We might even need to alter the way we ask probing questions.  Skirting problematic behavior with questions like, “You aren’t thinking about hurting yourself are you?” can prompt others be deceptive to us and mask their need to find the help they need.  At times, we need to be direct and ask point-blank questions like, “Are you planning to commit suicide?”.  No, it won’t plant a thought and it might give us the opportunity we need to intervene.  When seeking to support people, let’s be willing to be “all-in”, even if the answers aren’t the ones we want to hear.
3).  Be willing to be quiet.  Most of us are good at giving friendly advice, but there are times when people just need silent support.  They may not want to hear our solutions, they just want to feel our presence.  Good friends are willing to sit quietly by until the other person is ready to move on. 
Are we good friends?  Do we know people who could use a good friend?  Maybe the answers to these two simple questions can reduce the friendship algorithm to its most basic and useful state.

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